Now that I'm married and have two beautiful children, it really makes me appreciate... being alone.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

I smoke crack. I get all my dancers together and we do a prayer.

If you're a guy over 30 by yourself in the hotel pool, you automatically look like a murderer who's just relaxing after he strangled a family. "Yeah-that dad was a tough one to kill."

I really don't care about birthdays. It's something where even as a kid, I never really felt comfortable when someone would sing to me.

Hey, people who travel with their bed pillow. You look insane.

Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you. So I feel like with food, it is a passion of mine. It's where my sensibility rests. I love topics that are universal, and I love stuff that doesn't alienate people.