Now that I'm married and have two beautiful children, it really makes me appreciate... being alone.

For stand-up comedians that go onstage and get to write and perform and direct, and do all these things, the allure of a television show is still there but if it doesn't offer a level of creative fulfillment, it's oddly unappealing.

One thing I'm afraid of is not taking advantage of opportunities. I feel like these are kind of gifts.

Most single guys I know think fatherhood is terrifying.

But truly, women are amazing. Think about it this way: a woman can grow a baby inside her body. Then a woman can deliver the baby through her body. Then, by some miracle, a woman can feed a baby with her body. When you compare that to the male’s contribution to life, it’s kind of embarrassing, really.

I'm getting fat ... as I planned. Luckily, my gut is intentional. I'm actually preparing for a big role. Sure, it's a cinnamon roll.

Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.