My new years resolution? I will be less laz.
They always give you three ketchup packets. When you go back up and ask for more, the guy handing them out always treats you like you're taking from his personal stash. "Looks like my kids aren't having ketchup tonight."
I am originally from Indiana. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana - mafia.
Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, "Take that, Lipitor."
There's something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.
I don't have any delusions. I'm not a novelist - I'm a comedian who writes. I love doing the stand-up and the touring and the albums and all that, but it's pretty amazing to go into a library and see your book there.