I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

This city has so many beautiful women. I fall in love like every ten minutes, I'm sitting on the subway, I'm like, "There's my wife... there she is - oh, she's getting off. All right, there's the woman - all right, that's a man."

My faith kind of keeps me in touch with the idea that I'm not in control of things.

I got married. My wife changed her name. I know some women have a problem with that. But I wanted her to have my old girlfriend's name. So call me old-fashioned, but this fella does what the Bible tells.

I think when my mother died, it was such a - you know, a shock to the logic that I had been raised with.

I love standup comedians. I really do.