I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin.

Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you.

I'd really like to promote my increasing consumption of bacon.

Kale is a superfood and it’s special power is tasting bad.

For me, it's always a little sad getting out of bed. Every morning after I get up, I always gaze longingly at my bed and lament, 'You were wonderful last night. I didn't want it to end. I can't wait to see you again.

The idea of having a large family, I definitely had a romantic notion of it.

Screaming. Did I mention the screaming? Screaming is usually associated with horror films and roller coasters. This is why I usually look like I've just watched a horror film on a rollercoaster. Kids love to scream. Frightened, happy, bored. They scream. I've actually learned to love the sound of a vacuum cleaner. It's just so peaceful.