My childhood best friend is an anesthesiologist. It's the least amount of human interaction for a doctor. I don't think you can get that burned out on it.

After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!

Kale is a superfood and it’s special power is tasting bad.

That's why when I send a postcard I quiz people. "Hey, did you get that postcard?" "Yeah, yeah yeah." "Well what'd I say?" "Uh, you were havin-" "I was in jail"

I would say that now I'm somebody who goes to church.

My kids are so dramatically different, but it's not like I would trade one in or like there's one I would pick over the other ones. I know that sounds like I'm bullshitting. I also have five of them so I barely know them.

“Really, there are two types of people who go bowling. There are people who really, really love bowling. Then there are the people that are like: wouldn’t it be hysterical if we went bowling?”