My children have made me a better man, which is - in the end, that's probably more important than two more comedy specials or being in better shape.

I really don't care about birthdays. It's something where even as a kid, I never really felt comfortable when someone would sing to me.

But in Indiana it's not like New York where everyone's like, 'We're from New York and we're the best' or 'We're from Texas and we like things big' it's more like 'We're from Indiana and we're gonna move.

I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there. "All right, I'm standing in front of a room full of strangers. Based on what I learned in gym class, I will throw a red ball at a fat guy."

The whole idea of celebrity is flattering - it helps you get into restaurants and stuff - but once you obtain some creative fulfillment, which you do on a nightly basis as a comedian, it's hard to give that up just to be the wacky neighbor on a show.

Comedians rarely have writers, and if you do it's usually a sign of laziness.

I love standup comedians. I really do.