I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.

I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.

I like to stay in a hotel where it's a dome of silence. I can sit in my room and do nothing.

If someone picks up one thing you've written, you want them to go, 'Wow, this is pretty good.'

I would say I'm - in the show, I'm a cultural Catholic, which is what I was.

No one goes into standup to make money. The frustration and rejection are just too much.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.