I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.

Cancer is always funny.

Bacon bits are like the fairy dust of the food community.

I saw this college team bowling championship. Each team had their own coach. What kind of strategy advice is a bowling coach giving? "You know what? This time Timmy, I want you to knock down all the pins." "You sure?" "Trust me. Just do it son!"

I guess the reasons against having more children always seem uninspiring and superficial. What exactly am I missing out on? Money? A few more hours of sleep? A more peaceful meal? More hair? These are nothing compared to what I get from these five monsters who rule my life.

The ridiculousness and idiocy of life is embraced and examined. It nurtures the childhood perspective in everyone.

Most single guys I know think fatherhood is terrifying.