I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.

I used to have to do readings in church, and it was terrifying. I would never have my glasses. The words are printed so small even Superman would be nervous. And you’re reading from the Bible. It’s not like you can just make something up and improvise. “A reading from the letter of Saint Paul to the Corinthians. Uhhh. Dear Corinthians, … How was your weekend? Sure is hot here. Uh, tell Jesus ‘Hey.’ This is the word of the Lord.

Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Who's that for? 'I like my bologna like a martini. With an olive.' 'I'll have the bologna sandwich - dirty.'

I'm an eccentric, silly, observational guy, but I'm not gonna frighten off social conservatives.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

The real question is should we trust people who don't like cheese?

I was still rooting for Notre Dame.It's like there's the cultural Catholic experience.