Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January.

Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.

I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll have a glass of water, you want a shot of Jäger? You want eight of 'em?"

I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.

Some people have their own bowling ball and their own bowling shoes... and no friends.

I wouldn't say that comedy brought me away from it.I think that my idea of faith was another obligation in my life.

I don't curse on stage, but I feel like I curse more because I have kids and in front of my kids. Not intentionally.