“Really, there are two types of people who go bowling. There are people who really, really love bowling. Then there are the people that are like: wouldn’t it be hysterical if we went bowling?”

Other people's children's birthday parties are the most joyful events you will ever resent having to attend.

I like to think of bread as really bland cake.

I used to have to do readings in church, and it was terrifying. I would never have my glasses. The words are printed so small even Superman would be nervous. And you’re reading from the Bible. It’s not like you can just make something up and improvise. “A reading from the letter of Saint Paul to the Corinthians. Uhhh. Dear Corinthians, … How was your weekend? Sure is hot here. Uh, tell Jesus ‘Hey.’ This is the word of the Lord.

I was able to make the jump to theaters without having a TV show. My passion for getting a TV show just plummeted. It was like I had already achieved what I wanted to achieve.

Comedy is a very lucrative business now, but when everyone first went into it, it didn't make sense from a financial standpoint.

Babies, they learn how to walk and they are already trying to run away. You can't reach the doorknob, you only know us, think it through.