“Really, there are two types of people who go bowling. There are people who really, really love bowling. Then there are the people that are like: wouldn’t it be hysterical if we went bowling?”

I think stand-up comedy is this - it's this kind of indulgence and narcissism.

How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water.

I come from a very big family. Nine parents.

Now don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin' 'em more... fun to pet, better to chew.

Bacon bits are like the fairy dust of the food community.

I think that there's part of me that feels like maybe I should have been more social.