All I want to do is be a good dad, but I'm pretty bad at it.

I do just want to do jokes. I don't want to be a divisive figure.

I guess the reasons against having more children always seem uninspiring and superficial. What exactly am I missing out on? Money? A few more hours of sleep? A more peaceful meal? More hair? These are nothing compared to what I get from these five monsters who rule my life.

I was still rooting for Notre Dame.It's like there's the cultural Catholic experience.

I was raised in a family where my father was the first one to go to college.

I'm definitely hesitant wearing shorts during the summer. Like for a pale person, you know, summer - everyone in the world is so excited for summer, but pale people, we're just like, oh no.

It really never came up, but I think that in present-day America, they're - you know, and I touched on it in the initial clip - is that we are in the middle of this culture war.