Do you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you should not call back, or call back and appear like a stalker? "Hi. It's me again. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to kill you. Because I'm the freak who keeps calling and calling."

The real question is should we trust people who don't like cheese?

I'm a guy who comes from a small town in the Midwest. It's not in my nature to say the most explicit things in public.

My wife's gotten really lazy, or as she calls it, 'pregnant.'

I would say that now I'm somebody who goes to church.

I'm closer to Bob Newhart than Rodney Dangerfield.

I went to a Catholic University and there's something about being a Catholic-American. You know, St. Patrick's Day is, I'm Irish-Catholic. There's alcoholism in my family. It's like I've got to be Catholic, right?