I used to have to do readings in church, and it was terrifying. I would never have my glasses. The words are printed so small even Superman would be nervous. And you’re reading from the Bible. It’s not like you can just make something up and improvise. “A reading from the letter of Saint Paul to the Corinthians. Uhhh. Dear Corinthians, … How was your weekend? Sure is hot here. Uh, tell Jesus ‘Hey.’ This is the word of the Lord.

I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.

I always had this romantic notion of living in New York. I just felt like, everyone could be different and weird and whatever they are in New York.

My new years resolution? I will be less laz.

Most single guys I know think fatherhood is terrifying.

Be more assertive with what you want to do.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.