I think that there's part of me that feels like maybe I should have been more social.

I grew up 45 minutes outside of Chicago.

Don't you expect a rainbow coming out of the tub of bacon strips at the end of the buffet line?

Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers.

I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.

Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work toward.

Well my chocolate is so good I could sell it in an obnoxious prism shape.