There is this false perception that comedians can never be serious. It's like from like the era of court jesters.

Holidays are also an opportunity for kids to unlearn every good habit they've learned during the rest of the year. They don't go to school. They get to stay up past their bedtime. They get candy and presents for doing nothing. Childhood utopia.

I feel like, even in this crazy world of Trump getting elected and these things that really kind of caught me off-guard, I feel like I understand less than I did.

I initially signed up for Twitter just to do jokes I wasn't going to do in my stand-up routine.

I'm much more interested in making people laugh than getting applause breaks.

I'm a weirdo that goes on stage to make strangers laugh, but if I wasn't working, I would just want to be with my wife and kids. I don't even think I'd want to go out to dinner.

Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.