When it comes to stand-up, people feel this need to voice their objection through groaning or being offended. It's really irritating... I mean I love what I do, but that's the irritating side of it.

The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.

I don't pull out because... it's not my problem.

I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire.

I don't wear rubbers cause you can't catch it twice.

People are just self-centered-it's all about them. And we're telling people it's okay to be 'all about you' because you're a victim and it's not your fault. That's why society has gotten more and more belligerent and selfish.

My job is to express who I am and what I hate about the country and what I love about it and what I hate about myself and what I love about myself and to make you laugh while I'm doing it.