My job is to express who I am and what I hate about the country and what I love about it and what I hate about myself and what I love about myself and to make you laugh while I'm doing it.

I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

I don't pull out because... it's not my problem.

I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.

Mario you are a great chef but you look like a homeless James Gandolfini.

While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.

People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn't.