The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.

You really are a badass, edgy guy who tells it like it is...about couscous.

I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like.

They don't tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy - the kind of pussy that looks like it just smoked an exploding cartoon cigar.

From now on, anyone raped at Penn State should just tell Joe Paterno's statue. It couldn't help you any less than the real Joe would have.

People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn't.

I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire.