I don't wear rubbers cause you can't catch it twice.
I had AIDS, but I beat it with Advil.
I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle.
When it comes to stand-up, people feel this need to voice their objection through groaning or being offended. It's really irritating... I mean I love what I do, but that's the irritating side of it.
The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.
I don't pull out because... it's not my problem.