I don't pull out because... it's not my problem.

People don't mind positive stereotypes. People don't mind positive assumptions. It's only negative assumptions about them. So their outrage is so arbitrary.

I hope you slip in a puddle of AIDS and crack your head open

No periods. If you sneeze, the carpet's ruined.

The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.

The only time the press doesn’t sensationalize information is when one of their own is kidnapped. Interesting how they show restraint then.

For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.