No periods. If you sneeze, the carpet's ruined.

I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.

God, do I hate my little fat tits. You ever pinch your little meat tits and wish you were dead? You ever just stand naked in the mirror. "You little fat-titted mediocre failure!" You ever do that for 3 hours on New Year's Eve.

The only time the press doesn’t sensationalize information is when one of their own is kidnapped. Interesting how they show restraint then.

People don't mind positive stereotypes. People don't mind positive assumptions. It's only negative assumptions about them. So their outrage is so arbitrary.

I appreciate that the New York Daily News will show dead bodies but blur the cover of a French parody magazine. Just out of respect, right guys?

I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.