You really are a badass, edgy guy who tells it like it is...about couscous.

I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.

I don't pull out because... it's not my problem.

People are just self-centered-it's all about them. And we're telling people it's okay to be 'all about you' because you're a victim and it's not your fault. That's why society has gotten more and more belligerent and selfish.

I should call myself four market Norton. I'm great in Boston and Cleveland. I do good in Phillie, New Jersey.

There's a trench coat and a tragedy in your future.

My job is to express who I am and what I hate about the country and what I love about it and what I hate about myself and what I love about myself and to make you laugh while I'm doing it.