What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?

And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with AIDS, hepatitis C and liquified genital warts. And while they're all running out and crying, I hope one of them slips and accidentally molests a child.

God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.

People are too worried a lot of times what other people in the audience are going to think about them, so they like to feign offense so other people don't think that they're inappropriate for laughing at something.

You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living.

From now on, anyone raped at Penn State should just tell Joe Paterno's statue. It couldn't help you any less than the real Joe would have.

The only time the press doesn’t sensationalize information is when one of their own is kidnapped. Interesting how they show restraint then.