What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?

My job is to express who I am and what I hate about the country and what I love about it and what I hate about myself and what I love about myself and to make you laugh while I'm doing it.

You really are a badass, edgy guy who tells it like it is...about couscous.

God, do I hate my little fat tits. You ever pinch your little meat tits and wish you were dead? You ever just stand naked in the mirror. "You little fat-titted mediocre failure!" You ever do that for 3 hours on New Year's Eve.

People don't mind positive stereotypes. People don't mind positive assumptions. It's only negative assumptions about them. So their outrage is so arbitrary.

I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.

I hope you accidentally drink leukemia at a picnic.