God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.

People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn't.

They don't tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy - the kind of pussy that looks like it just smoked an exploding cartoon cigar.

When it comes to stand-up, people feel this need to voice their objection through groaning or being offended. It's really irritating... I mean I love what I do, but that's the irritating side of it.

Mario you are a great chef but you look like a homeless James Gandolfini.

I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle.

That looks like something out of the dumpster of planned parenthood.