For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.

I don't pull out because... it's not my problem.

People don't mind positive stereotypes. People don't mind positive assumptions. It's only negative assumptions about them. So their outrage is so arbitrary.

It just seems like right now we’re in a place where people are being witch-hunted for expressing an opinion. Even if it’s a lousy opinion or a shitty opinion, and comics I don’t think can ever fall into the trap of any groups that want to censor what a person says or thinks or punish a person for expressing what they think. Anything you say about a social issue is going to offend half the country. I don’t care how nicely you say it, I don’t care how well you construct the joke, simply by stating the opinion, you are for something and anti something else.

You look like a diabetic strip club owner.

I hope you slip in a puddle of AIDS and crack your head open

I don't wear rubbers cause you can't catch it twice.