The only time the press doesn’t sensationalize information is when one of their own is kidnapped. Interesting how they show restraint then.

I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire.

When it comes to stand-up, people feel this need to voice their objection through groaning or being offended. It's really irritating... I mean I love what I do, but that's the irritating side of it.

The only time the press doesn’t sensationalize information is when one of their own is kidnapped. Interesting how they show restraint then.

There's a trench coat and a tragedy in your future.

I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don't walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don't like.