I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn't hit her.

People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn't.

I don't pull out because... it's not my problem.

People are too worried a lot of times what other people in the audience are going to think about them, so they like to feign offense so other people don't think that they're inappropriate for laughing at something.

The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.

You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living.