I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.

I hope you accidentally drink leukemia at a picnic.

They don't tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy - the kind of pussy that looks like it just smoked an exploding cartoon cigar.

When it comes to stand-up, people feel this need to voice their objection through groaning or being offended. It's really irritating... I mean I love what I do, but that's the irritating side of it.

I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like.

You really are a badass, edgy guy who tells it like it is...about couscous.

Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.