You look like a diabetic strip club owner.

They don't tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy - the kind of pussy that looks like it just smoked an exploding cartoon cigar.

I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire.

I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

You look like a diabetic strip club owner.

While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.

When it comes to stand-up, people feel this need to voice their objection through groaning or being offended. It's really irritating... I mean I love what I do, but that's the irritating side of it.