Discourse is fleeting, but junk mail is forever.

You're not a real Texan till you've been kicked out of every decent state in America.

The movies that are honored at The Oscars are always a certain type: Old-fashioned. It's a bunch of well-made, old-fashioned movies that support our idea of ourselves. They uplift the human spirit. That's why horror films never even get nominated.

I hate The Oscars. The Oscars make me want to throw things at the TV. In the ancient history of The Oscars, people would go on and make political statements and get thrown off the stage, but the last great political statement, I think, was when Michael Moore started raging against Bush a few years back. Everybody booed him, even though I can't imagine Hollywood booing a guy who's bashing Bush. That was the last great spontaneous moment on The Oscars.

There is no post-9/11. Everything from now until the end of time is post-9/11.

It's not a crime to get drunk.

As I've said many times, the single most oppressed class in America right now is the teenager.