I don't care if you're gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It's all an illusion.

Your body's really only meant to compete at the highest levels of combat sports for a few years.

Every single religion that has ever been on the face of the Earth, ever, is a cult. That’s all they are.

I had seen movies before that that had made me laugh, but I had never seen anything even remotely close to as funny as Richard Pryor was, just standing there talking.

People love to see people fall.

I have this thing built into my contract that the club has to put up a sign that says my act "contains the strongest language and material content imaginable," but, believe it or not, I still get complaints. People want you to be what they want you to be. If they see you on TV and that's what they like, they want you to be EXACTLY like that when they see you live. And if you're not, some of them get upset.

No girl wants a secretly gay boyfriend, every dude wants a secretly gay girlfriend.