People do always try to smoke pot with me. But I think some of those people are cops.

Selling your life to sit in a box and work for a machine. An uncaring machine that demands productivity that doesn't understand you and doesn't want to understand you... There's no natural behaviour. Everyone is wearing clothes they don't want to wear. Everybody is showing up and doing something they don't want to do. They have no connection to it. That's the problem with our society.

When women go to see men strip, we never accuse you of hating men.

I love existing in pre big bang conditions.

I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.

I think comedy because of the Internet it has a bigger audience, a bigger fan base. It has fans that understand comedy more than any generation before because there is more guys like you, more guys like me, more guys like Louie CK who talks about it a lot. When you get a chance to see perspective that I don't think you ever got to see before.

Every single religion that has ever been on the face of the Earth, ever, is a cult. That’s all they are.