The audience changes every night. You're the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh.

Be the hero of your own story.

Houston Alexander is for real!

So instead of investing your time in a passion, you’ve sold your life to work for an uncaring machine that doesn’t understand you. That’s the problem with our society. And what’s the reward? Go home and get a big TV.

On my left knee I have a long scar from an ACL operation. I've had both knees reconstructed.

Like if you all were going to go out and one guy's like "you know what man I'm going to stay home I'm feeling kind of shitty," you go, "You faggot." That's what it means. It's about a guy wimping out, being a douchebag...it has nothing to do with your sexual orientation.

The people I know that have the hardest time keeping it together emotionally are people that don't workout.