People for the most part can smell lies, at least I thought that until I saw audiences applaud at Carlos Mencia.

A unicorn is a donkey from the future

To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don't really worry that much about what other people think of me.

I’m afraid of heights. Not unreasonably, but rationally afraid of heights. I think everyone is.

I think stand is better now than it's ever been. I think it's the greatest time ever to do standup comedy.

["Faggot"] is a great word! The whole thing about language is, it's supposed to be broadcasting your intentions. These are my intentions and these words broadcast my feelings. If all of a sudden you have forbidden words that doesn't make the intent any better. It's just appeasing sensitive people.

I don't really like actors. Actors are like terrible comedians with no punch lines. It's all about them. They talk about themselves all the time. They bore the sh - t out of you.