We live in a society that makes it really easy for these pussies to get by.

The Comedy Store in LA, it's a really loose room and it's really dark and creepy and a great place to explore your own thoughts onstage.

I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with.

The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing's more disgusting than a guy who steals another person's ideas and tries to claim them as his own.

I think stand is better now than it's ever been. I think it's the greatest time ever to do standup comedy.

I read the things that scientists have figured out, and apply what they say is beneficial, but at the end of the day I'm the wrong person to get unchallenged nutritional advice from.

It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.