I think stand is better now than it's ever been. I think it's the greatest time ever to do standup comedy.

I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.

I'm really happy that I've been able to make people laugh and distract them from their day to day bullshit at a comedy show or because they enjoyed one of my CDs or TV specials, but I don't know how many people have actually had life changing thoughts because of it.

I don't care if you're gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It's all an illusion.

When someone comes along and expresses him or herself as freely as they think, people flock to it. They enjoy it.

Reality really is theater. There's no other way to describe it. It's all so nonsensical, ridiculous and chaotic.

Maybe we can combine 2 things that everybody loves. Helping out the poor and blow jobs.