Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

A man must pay the fiddler. In my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra often had to be subsidized.

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried; you float.