My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

Busy yourselves with this, you damned walruses, while the rest of use proceed with the libretto.

A man must pay the fiddler. In my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra often had to be subsidized.

In Genesis, it says that it is not good for a man to be alone; but sometimes it is a great relief.

My head is buried in the sands of tomorrow, while my tail feathers are singed by the hot sun of today.

You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried; you float.

Mr. [John] Barrymore's smile was the smile of an actor who hates actors, and who knows that he is going to kill two or three before the play is over. I am not an actor-killer, but I like my Hamlets to dislike actors, if you know what I mean, and I think you don't.