My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

My head is buried in the sands of tomorrow, while my tail feathers are singed by the hot sun of today.

My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.

When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was wearing boxing gloves.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried; you float.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.