My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was wearing boxing gloves.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.