You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

A man must pay the fiddler. In my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra often had to be subsidized.

Dying is the last thing I will ever do.

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.

My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.