Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.
A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.
My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.
America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.
The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.
My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.