You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried; you float.

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

My head is buried in the sands of tomorrow, while my tail feathers are singed by the hot sun of today.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.