You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried; you float.

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.

My head is buried in the sands of tomorrow, while my tail feathers are singed by the hot sun of today.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

A man must pay the fiddler. In my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra often had to be subsidized.