I've read some of your modern free verse and wonder who set it free.

The good die young, because they see it's no use living if you have got to be good.

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

Busy yourselves with this, you damned walruses, while the rest of use proceed with the libretto.

My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.

You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried; you float.

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.