I would like to do my own eulogy, and then shoot myself and then get in the coffin.

I think it takes a long time, as you get older, to realize just how crazy the world is, just how ridiculous it all is.

The real religion is about the understanding that if we can only still our egos for a few seconds, we might have a chance of experiencing something that is divine in nature. But in order to do that, we have to slice away at our egos and try to get them down to a manageable size, and then still work some practiced light meditation. So real religion is about reducing our egos, whereas all the churches are interested in is egotistical activities, like getting as many members and raising as much money and becoming as important and high-profile and influential as possible.

Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us dies

You can't make Christ funny. He's self-aware, he's too flexible within the situation. It's rigidity, it's when the ego takes over and the behavior becomes inappropriate that it becomes funny.

years ago we would have been burned for this. Now what I am suggesting is that we've advanced.

When people say 'I'm not a prude, but ...' what they mean is 'I am a prude, and ...'.