I would like to do my own eulogy, and then shoot myself and then get in the coffin.

The real religion is about the understanding that if we can only still our egos for a few seconds, we might have a chance of experiencing something that is divine in nature. But in order to do that, we have to slice away at our egos and try to get them down to a manageable size, and then still work some practiced light meditation. So real religion is about reducing our egos, whereas all the churches are interested in is egotistical activities, like getting as many members and raising as much money and becoming as important and high-profile and influential as possible.

If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want fries with that?'

I think that I feel an indignation when I don't understand something.

My mum died about three years ago at the age of 101, and just towards the end, as she began to run out of energy, she did actually stop trying to tell me what to do most of the time.

Basil Fawlty was an easy character for me. For some reason, portraying a mean, uptight, incompetent bully comes naturally to me.

If you are leaping a ravine, the moment of takeoff is a bad time to be considering alternative strategies.