If you are leaping a ravine, the moment of takeoff is a bad time to be considering alternative strategies.

Naturally, people's image is of a performer, but the reality of it is the writing for me has always been the most important thing and the most rewarding thing.

Who's ever going to write a film in which I get the girl? Me!

Wine is wonderful stuff. But so many people are put off by the snobbery of it.

If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you more open to my ideas. And if I can persuade you to laugh at the particular point I make, by laughing at it you acknowledge its truth.

The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn't the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.

The sad thing about true stupidity is that you can do absolutely nothing about it.