There's no such thing as failure - just waiting for success.

Asking a writer what he thinks about criticism is like asking a lamppost what it feels about dogs.

We all of us waited for him to die. The family sent him a check every month, and hoped he'd get on with it quietly, without too much vulgar fuss.

The schoolteacher is certainly underpaid as a childminder, but ludicrously overpaid as an educator.

It is easy to answer the ultimate questions - it saves you bothering with the immediate ones.

There will be a quick rash of hairy American filth, but it shouldn't threaten the existence of decent, serious British filth.

Writers don't need love; all they require is money.