There's no such thing as failure - just waiting for success.

Asking a writer what he thinks about criticism is like asking a lamppost what it feels about dogs.

Let's pretend that we're human beings and that we're actually alive.

I must say it's pretty dreary living in the American Age - unless you're an American of course. Perhaps all our children will be Americans.

It is not true that drink changes a man's character. It may reveal it more clearly.

And even in the hatred of the majority, there's a kind of triumph because I know that, although they'd never admit it, they secretly respect me.

Laughter's the nearest we ever get, or should get, to sainthood. It's the state of grace that saves most of us from contempt.