No comedy should be longer than 90 minutes. There's no such thing as a good long joke.

I didn't become a drug addict because I always had to make a movie.

I've signed dicks, asses, parole cards, a colostomy bag while it was still pumping. A couple of years ago, I signed a bloody Tampax. That's one you don't forget. I'm not asking for someone to top that!

Valentine's Day is my mother's birthday. If I'm wildly in love, I've sent people chicken hearts, which seems to appeal to the kind of person that I've been in love with.

It was a mystery to me. To that awful black-and-white farm, with that aunt who was dressed badly, with smelly farm animals around when she could live with winged monkeys and magic shoes and gay lions. I didn't get it.

I like the word 'underground'... 'independent' carries a stigma of whininess. 'Underground' means a good time.

Anyone from my past I'm interested in, I've already stalked their homes. I like to go outside.