Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.

When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.

As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.

I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.

What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?

The price of Christmas toys is outrageous - a hundred dollars, two hundred dollars for video games for the youngsters. I remember a Christmas years ago when my son was a kid. I bought him a tank. It was about a hundred dollars, a lot of money in those days. It was the kind of tank you could actually get inside and ride in. He played in the box it came in. It taught me a very valuable lesson. Next year he got a box. And I got a hundred dollars' worth of scotch.

You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience; so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.