I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.

Only lie about the future.

I'm often asked, "What is your favorite moment during the 30 years you hosted [The Tonight Show]?" I really don't have just one. The times I enjoyed the most were the spontaneous, unplanned segments that just happened, like Ed Ames' infamous "Tomahawk Toss" that produced one of the longest laughs in television history. When these lucky moments happen, you just go with them and enjoy the experience and high of the moment.

Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.