I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.

I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.

That would have been a great ticket, Reagan and Ford - an actor and a stuntman.

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.

Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.

I'm often asked, "What is your favorite moment during the 30 years you hosted [The Tonight Show]?" I really don't have just one. The times I enjoyed the most were the spontaneous, unplanned segments that just happened, like Ed Ames' infamous "Tomahawk Toss" that produced one of the longest laughs in television history. When these lucky moments happen, you just go with them and enjoy the experience and high of the moment.