I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.

Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.

Air Canada. That's a good name for a Canadian airline.

Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.

Everybody I meet in public seems to want to audition for me. If I ask a guy what time it is, he'll sing it to me.

When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.

A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.