There's a lot of hypocrisy in audiences. I'd never dream of telling even on a nightclub stage, let alone my show, some of the jokes that are told in a lot of the living rooms from which we get those letters!

May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!

Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.

Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.

NBC's a little jealous of CNN correspondent Wolf Blitzer. They want to get a reporter with a macho-sounding name too, so they're changing Irving R. Levine's name to Scud Shrapnel.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?