Your chances of getting hit by lighting go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and say "Storms suck!!

Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.

There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.

Everybody I meet in public seems to want to audition for me. If I ask a guy what time it is, he'll sing it to me.

Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

I have no use for eight houses, 88 cars and 500 suits. I can't eat but one steak at a time. I don't want but one woman. It's silly to have as one's sole object in life just making money, accumulating wealth.