I've worked ever since I was a kid with a two-bit kit of magic tricks trying to improve my skills at entertaining whatever public I had - and to make myself ready, whenever the breaks came, to entertain a wider and more demanding public.

Last night, it was so cold, the flashers in New York were only describing themselves.

As for being sociable, I hate the phoniness in the showbiz world. I know this will be taken wrong, but I don't like clubs and organizations. I was never a joiner.

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'