We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.

Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.

I get sick of that old rationalization, "We're staying together because of the children." Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.

I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.

I've worked ever since I was a kid with a two-bit kit of magic tricks trying to improve my skills at entertaining whatever public I had - and to make myself ready, whenever the breaks came, to entertain a wider and more demanding public.

The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.