We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Last night, it was so cold, the flashers in New York were only describing themselves.

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.

I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.

People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'